Thursday, April 28, 2011

What do you mean "Most adults don't have special compartments for gummi bears in their desk drawers"?

Because, holy wow, how do you get through Wednesday afternoon without gummi bears?

It's not just me, is it?

It can't be just me.

Monday, April 25, 2011

*Somebody* talked about the Easter story this weekend.

Overheard on the playground today:

Boy #1: C'mon, Robin, we have to go catch the Joker 'cause he's a bad guy!

Boy #2: What did the Joker do, Batman?

Boy #1: I think he killed Jesus!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Weekend Roundup (Now With a Super-Fancy Rating System!)

Empirates/Lunatic Show
Friday night I went with a few friends and my kid brother to see Empirates (the lead guitarist is a friend from back in Dallas) and The Lunatic (one of the guys in this band played guitar in my living room one time so we're pretty much best friends now). Usually when you go to a club or bar to see a band play, you pay the cover and they stamp your hand so you can come and go as you please. Well, this venue was super-classy and didn't have a hand stamp so they just wrote "DS" on the back of our hands with a pen. The "DS" stands for "Deathstar" which is the name of the place so, yes Mother, I did take your fresh-off-the-mission son to a rock concert at a place called Deathstar and, yes, for a moment there I did think that maybe we were going to be involved in some sort of ritual animal slaughtering or something because everyone there was dressed in black and all weird looking and there were holes in the walls in the shape of human heads which was odd and I'm sorry, Mom, okay?
The show: ★ ★ ★
How responsible of a role model I've become: ★
The fact that I know all these rock stars and am practically the coolest person on the planet: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Maple Bacon Sundae at Denny's
If I could just make one slight adjustment it would be less maple, more bacon. But it was pretty spectacular.
The sundae: ★ ★ ★ ★
Anything with bacon: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Miles Traveled
Gretchen and I have been celebrating the warmer weather by spending more and more time outside. She's hiked practically every mountain in Utah and I've been hitting my regular running route with much more gusto. Saturday I ran 4.93 miles and clucked about it to pretty much anyone who would listen (my sister, my roommates, the guy at 7-11, the waitress at Denny's) and then Sunday our after-dinner stroll turned into a 4.12 mile walk because we found a pen of goats and then had to go home and get our other roommate to show her their precious little knobby heads and tiny hooves.
How proud I am of myself: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
How grateful I am that people still congratulate me even when I'm annoying: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
The fact that my roommates won't let me get a baby goat: negative infinity stars

Other Stuff
My mom is coming on Friday!: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

$3.99 movies at Target: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

The fact that none of my roommates yelled at me when I was standing on my bed belting out all the songs from Moulin Rouge at the top of my lungs on Saturday morning: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Seeing our dear Karen again even though we've lost her to the Smug Marrieds: ★★★★★

 Having good friends and pretty much an awesome life: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

(But I still want that pet goat, actually.)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

White supremacists don't build roller coasters. Well, maybe they do. Who knows? They might love roller coasters! I actually don't know either way. But anyway that wasn't my point.

My parents live just a stone's throw from one of the major headquarters of the Klu Klux Klan.

Isn't that horrible?

Mostly because everything the KKK stands for is repugnant and obscene.

And also because you want your parents to live near something awesome like Six Flags so every time you visit them you can go on a roller coaster or get some cotton candy or something. You know what you can do at the KKK headquarters? Nothing.

Next time my parents move, they should find a cooler thing to live near. Something with roller coasters.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Do you ever try to be cool?

I tried to be cool today.

It did not actually work out.

It started with me walking into Subway today in my cute new flats and gray cardigan (and you know how I am when I'm in my gray cardigan--I could rule the world in this cardigan), keys and bracelet jangling, oversized sunglasses perched on my head, purple Blackberry clutched in my hand, turquoise purse slung over my shoulder, fat Dostoyevsky paperback tucked under my arm (cause I'm smart and all) . . . . and I thought, "Man! I bet I look cool right now!" (<----- does not happen often)

And it ended with me knocking over a cardboard display and being chased out into the parking lot by a Subway sandwich artist because I accidentally grabbed some lady's sandwich along with my own as I was walking out.

Because I am most sincerely cool.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

But I'm not talking about you, of course. Or you either.

It's always a little unnerving when someone I don't know very well comes up to me and says, "I've been reading your blog! You are so funny!" because:

a) I'm so not funny in real life. Or even very interesting.

b) If your only exposure to me is through this blog, there's a 98% chance you think I'm a moron. In fact, a more appropriate name for this blog would be "A Collection of Accounts of Kim Being Petty, Ridiculous, Simpleminded and/or Acting a Fool."

But that doesn't mean that I want people to stop.

Because super-super-secretly (just between us) I love. it.