Work of late has been a mite stressful (sound of head banging on desk in background) so I'm taking off the next two days to de-stress and re-center. I suspect, however, just the opposite will occur. Oh well.

One-upped

At work the other day I told one of the kids, "I need you to listen to my directions, mister."

He asked, "How come you get to tell people what to do?"

My reply: "Because I'm the boss. The big boss of the whole world and that's my job."

"Nuh-uh," he said, "You're not the boss of the world. Jesus is!"


Well, he's got me there.

Best Present Ever!

My mom emailed me today to ask me if I wanted her to send me money or a present for my birthday. I shot an email back that said, "Hmm. That's a tough one. I mean, money is great . . . but I do love to get packages in the mail . . . wait, could you mail me a box of money? That would be swe-eet. Love, Kim"

toothpastefordinner.com

I hit myself in the face with a cactus today.

We’re a little short-staffed at my school so I’ve been teaching in one of the classrooms for the past couple weeks. This week we’ve been talking about habitats and today was all about deserts. I bought 4 baby cacti last night for the kids to observe today in class. As I was walking into work this morning, two cacti in each hand, a gust of wind blew my hair into my face. Momentarily forgetting that I was holding a very prickly plant, I reached up to brush my hair away and BAM! Full-on cactus to the face. It hurt badly but it was also one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done, so I was laughing hard as I came inside. Even now, six hours later, I’m still snickering quietly to myself.



Warning: these are prickly and also pain-inducing.

Summer Saturday

Karen and I had a great Saturday! We went to the Farmer's Market in the morning. Here's Karen buying some bread:

Later that night the two of us, along with our dear Rachel, headed up to Ogden to see Marcus (the West Jordan native from Last Comic Standing). We got up there early to get tickets, so we had some time to wander around the city acting like tourists.

Choo-choo!

We had a great dinner at a little bistro in downtown Ogden and then headed to the show. Marcus was so hilarious! We laughed our bistro-dinner off. He's coming back to town in September and we're so planning on being there.

Thanks for hanging with me this weekend, Karen! You are the best!

Quote of the Day

I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs.
That's all I've ever wanted.

-Kevin Malone

Gentle Reminder

My birthday is next week! I know that thousands of you are out right now, scouring the shelves for that perfect gift. That's sweet, but it's not at all necessary. I will tell you exactly what I want. See? I'm looking out for my friends.

Here's the list:

Velociraptor (real, caged)

Rollerblades

Dog (pet)

Cat (food for pet)

Ability to fly

Cocktail on DVD

Ride in space shuttle

Dinner with Aaron Eckhart (also would consider marriage proposal, if someone plays his cards right)

World peace

Nachos

Yo VIP, let's kick it.

Conversation I had this week with a close friend:



Friend: I love seeing you, Kim. You're just one of those people that always makes me smile.



Me: You know who does that for me?


Vanilla Ice.

Bedtime, shmedtime

I love to read in bed. My nightstand is often groaning with the weight of a stack of books, each a dear nocturnal companion. In fact—this may sound humorous—I also have a few volumes tucked safely between my mattress and my headboard, as if, in some sort of literary emergency, I may not have time to reach the two feet to my nightstand to grab hold of a book. Right now, as I lounge in bed, I have within reach a biography of Abraham Lincoln, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, one of the Harry Potter books, a paperback Merriam Webster (a staple), a P.D. James mystery, and a book of essays about European history.

Holy cow . . . I just realized why I’m still single. Crap.

Rachel

My dear friend Rachel is so much fun to have around. We spend every minute together laughing. She's so sweet, she even will watch cheesy sci-fi movies with me. But, to be fair, I let her drag me to scary movies even though I know they will scare me out of my mind.

Huh?

The new book in the Twilight series came out today. My roommates are really, really into it. This is what Whitney and I saw when we came home tonight:

Note the Diet Cokes on the coffee table, courtesy of Karen.

Whitney and I were very amused.

Written Over Breakfast

Oh, Honey Bunches of Oats
With almonds,


You so make me smile
And I would be late to work

To eat you

because I love you.


Your sweet crunchy clusters
and three types of flakes:

They are lovely between my teeth.

As I sit and eat
I look
At your beautiful visage,

Enlarged to show texture.

I like to eat you
With organic milk,

But I would eat you with dairy products
full of added growth hormones

Because the only thing that would grow

Is my love

For you. With almonds.