Alternately titled: "Enough run-on sentences to make your eyes bleed."
I took my car to the shop (LAME) but they were super nice to me (AWESOME) but then they found a problem (LAME) but they can fix it (AWESOME) but they're going to charge me $1500 for it (REALLY LAME).
I was downtown during the day (meh) and I tried to give a homeless lady a dollar but I pulled out a $100 bill instead and then had to do that awkward oh-wait-that's-for-me-you-get-this-old-crumpled-one (LAME).
I knocked the paper towel dispenser off the wall of the bathroom at work (HILARIOUS) but then I had to call Maintenance and tell them and they were like, "How did THAT happen?" and I was like, "Uh, it just . . . fell . . . off the wall," but they didn't really believe that and then everybody laughed at me and the Director over my whole department called me specially just to tease me which is funny because I didn't even know he knows who I am but he apparently does and he also knows that, in my spare time, I like to destroy company property (AWESOME, but in a little bit of a sarcastic way, you see).
I went to a Seventh-Day Adventist praise meeting (AWESOME) with Liz (AWESOME) and everyone was awesome (AWESOME) and it was so fun (AWESOME) and they fed us (AWESOME) and it was some of the best food I've ever had (AWESOME). (AWESOME) (AWESOME) (AWESOME).
Then I came home and ate chocolate cake (AWESOME) and got ready to watch The Bachelor (AWESOME) except, guess what, it didn't get recorded (LAME) so I watched Headlines on Leno instead.
Did I tell you that Gretchen is working the swing shift now (REALLY LAME) and we never see each other anymore (LAME)? So about 11:30 at night I usually start getting crazy ideas like "When's the last time you toilet papered someone's house? Don't you want to go toilet paper a house right now?" or "Man, I really want some Hawaiian Punch!" (I would say LAME, but really, my late-night ideas are usually AWESOME) and Gretchen's always the level-headed one to talk me out of doing stupid things except she's not around at 11:30 anymore (LAME) and there's no one home to talk me out of doing stupid things and basically that's why I have bangs now.
Because watching three how-to videos on cutting your own bangs makes you a bang-expert.