Tuesday, May 24, 2011

These are the things that make me say "What the crap, man?"

Last night I was flipping back and forth between the Mavs/Thunder game and The Bachelorette and all I can say is "What the crap, man?"

So, guy who got drunk on the couch halfway through the cocktail party, what the crap?

And, Mavericks, are we not getting rebounds anymore? What the crap?

Hey, guy wearing the creepy Batman mask so you can "connect on a deeper level," what the crap?

Oh, and ref who called the foul on Terry when Westbrook clearly tripped over his own feet, what the crap?

And, ABC, really? Are you really sure the majority of these contestants are straight? What the crap, unbuttoned-shirt guy?

Dear Dirk, what the crap? I mean that in a good way. It's not even funny how you move on the court. You rock my world. Seriously. What. the. crap.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Rapture and other words that make my roommate giggle.

You've probably heard that the Rapture is coming this weekend.

As we were talking about it last night, my roommate Jules asked what exactly the Rapture refers to. I gave a fairly in-depth explanation about what happens during and after the Rapture.
After I was finished, I noticed she was trying hard to keep a straight face.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," she chuckled. "It's just . . . you said . . . . BOSOM!" And with that she burst into a fit of giggles.

"The bosom of Christ! Not, like, a . . . bosom," I said.

Still laughing, she whispered, "You said it again!"

I swear, she and I were separated at birth. Love that dork girl!


Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Short List of Things of Which I Do Not Approve

I do not approve of people wearing flip-flops to church.

I do not approve of people calling hot dogs "wieners".

I do not approve of my boss asking me if I've accepted Jesus as my personal Savior. (True story.)

I do not approve of my neighbors letting their kids play unsupervised in my driveway right behind my car when I'm trying to leave the house.

I do not approve of people over the age of 9 saying the word "barf."

That is all.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Stuff like this happens to me literally all the time.

You know when someone comes up to you and is all, "blah, blah, blah," and then you're all, "whatever"?

Yeah, that totally happened to me the other day.

It was nuts.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Love you, Momma.

“And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them, not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective. Look to your mother. Learn from her strengths, her courage, and her faithfulness. Listen to her. She may not be a whiz at texting; she may not even have a Facebook page. But when it comes to matters of the heart and the things of the Lord, she has a wealth of knowledge. As you approach the time for marriage and young motherhood, she will be your greatest source of wisdom. No other person on earth loves you in the same way or is willing to sacrifice as much to encourage you and help you find happiness—in this life and forever.”

-M. Russell Ballard

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My family is actually awesome and kind of rocks my world.

Last week my mom and sister flew out to hang in Salt Lake for a while and my dear little brother tore himself away from texting cute girls and tracking down free pizza to chill with us. We had an excellent time going to Gourmandise (a few times), playing Canasta, shopping until we wanted to die and eating fish tacos.

I'm sorry, but is there anything on this planet that is as satisfying as a good fish taco?

No, there is not.

This picture is called "I will never be as stunningly gorgeous as my little sister and isn't that a bit of a shame?"

This one is called "Mom and her two daughters, and a strange man lurking behind them."

I'm so glad they could come out! We had a blast!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Not having good social skills doesn't mean you can't have fun at parties. You can always talk about murder and robots.

I was recently talking to this guy at a party about online dating.

I told him I'm not really into it because I'm pretty sure everyone on the internet is trying to kill me. He told me that he tried online dating once and ended up meeting a really cool girl.

After a pause he added, "But then I killed her."

Then we talked about robots for about 20 minutes. It was awesome.