5: inches of raw sewage that
4: times required to wash my hair until it no longer smells of feces after coming in contact with raw sewage
15: minutes I had to clear my office of anything I wanted to keep before the cleaners started knocking out my drywall and ripping apart my furniture
1: pairs of shoes that were thrown out because they were (sorry, Mom) really shitty
46: children that needed to be evacuated because our classroom floors were covered in poo-water
3: times my boss said "how could this get any worse?" until I told her to stop because, guess what, it gets worse every time you say that!
2: big red "DANGER:KEEP OUT" signs I ignored when I sneaked back into the school after the hazmat team descended and locked down the building
7: Hazmat worker guys I ignored when they told me I couldn't go back in my office because I left a picture of my nephew in there and plus I needed my stapler
2: toxic materials found during the demo of my office
Dear builders of the 1970s,1: archive box I would not allow the cleaners to throw out even though it was covered in excrement because I really, really need the paperwork inside it
Thanks for the asbestos and lead paint! You are awesome!
3: different locations I'm trying to run as we piece together extra classrooms for our 63 children who suddenly have no classroom
Eleventy billion: number of phone calls and emails I've fielded from upset parents, staff and maintenance workers in the past 2 days in my new office
P.S. Here's my new office:
What's that you say? It looks like it's in a high-traffic hallway 2 floors away from the nearest bathroom?
Oh, that's 'cause it is*.
0: times I've cried this week even though I really wanted to except I did cry once but it was over a basketball game so it doesn't count and I just remembered I cried over that one commercial where the kid gives that black lady her purse back on the bus but that one doesn't count either
3: sleepless nights I've had worrying over this stupid poo-problem
70: percent chance I think I have of dying from exposure to lead, asbestos or poo from this week which is my own dang fault, but still
4-6: projected weeks until we can get back into our classrooms and offices
100: percent chance I will have a nervous breakdown before then
*Not that I'm complaining or anything because it's like 15 feet from the Coke machine