Friday, June 10, 2011

Water is great, except for when it comes from a sewer and it gets all over you.

1: sewage pipes that cracked and leaked in the hill above my school this week
5: inches of raw sewage that seeped rained down into my office
4: times required to wash my hair until it no longer smells of feces after coming in contact with raw sewage
15: minutes I had to clear my office of anything I wanted to keep before the cleaners started knocking out my drywall and ripping apart my furniture
1: pairs of shoes that were thrown out because they were (sorry, Mom) really shitty
46: children that needed to be evacuated because our classroom floors were covered in poo-water
3: times my boss said "how could this get any worse?" until I told her to stop because, guess what, it gets worse every time you say that!
2: big red "DANGER:KEEP OUT" signs I ignored when I sneaked back into the school after the hazmat team descended and locked down the building 
7: Hazmat worker guys I ignored when they told me I couldn't go back in my office because I left a picture of my nephew in there and plus I needed my stapler
2: toxic materials found during the demo of my office
Dear builders of the 1970s,
Thanks for the asbestos and lead paint! You are awesome!
Love, Kim 
1: archive box I would not allow the cleaners to throw out even though it was covered in excrement because I really, really need the paperwork inside it
3: different locations I'm trying to run as we piece together extra classrooms for our 63 children who suddenly have no classroom  
Eleventy billion: number of phone calls and emails I've fielded from upset parents, staff and maintenance workers in the past 2 days in my new office

P.S. Here's my new office:

What's that you say? It looks like it's in a high-traffic hallway 2 floors away from the nearest bathroom?  

Oh, that's 'cause it is*.

0: times I've cried this week even though I really wanted to except I did cry once but it was over a basketball game so it doesn't count and I just remembered I cried over that one commercial where the kid gives that black lady her purse back on the bus but that one doesn't count either
3: sleepless nights I've had worrying over this stupid poo-problem
70: percent chance I think I have of dying from exposure to lead, asbestos or poo from this week which is my own dang fault, but still
4-6: projected weeks until we can get back into our classrooms and offices
100: percent chance I will have a nervous breakdown before then

*Not that I'm complaining or anything because it's like 15 feet from the Coke machine


Melinda said...

Oh wow. Wow. Yikes, thats really...crappy. So, I'm wondering if poop is going to be a continuing theme for all your posts? I think poo is hilarious (when its not happening to me), so I'm good with it.

Chillygator said...

That is AMAZING. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry for you.

Alanna said...

The bright side to all this? At least NONE of it is your fault! How often do you get to enjoy a nice crisis knowing that, huh? No matter how angry all those parents are and how crazy it gets, you can just smile and nod and know that it is not your fault. It's not your boss's fault. It's not her boss's fault. It's not even those kids' faults! And isn't that nice?

Olsen Family said...

Oh I am so so sorry Kim. That is such a nightmare!

Amie said...

Abby told me about this on Wednesday and I just shook my head. Is it wrong that I was so grateful this didn't happen while I was still employed there? Hope everything works itself out! If you need someone to bring you diet Coke or chocolate or anything, just holler!

momof8 said...

Oh my. I don't even know what to say! How awful! Hope things settle down for you soon! I'm pretty sure someone owes you money for this. Or something. :/

Amy Brinton said...

Kim! What a great story. Four to six weeks! And you'll have school-age children, too? Has anyone pulled out?

Battfam said...

Sad story, but hilarious post. Keep your smile on!