Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Effectively lowering this blog's standards

As a rule, I avoid publicly shaming and humiliating my exes. Ya know, cause I'm classy like that. But the following story is gold and I just can't help myself sometimes.


A few years ago the guy I'd been seeing for a handful of months tells me he has a surprise for me.

Ooo, yay. I like surprises. He had written me a poem. (all the ladies go "aw" now, please) Looking deeply into my eyes, he began to recite.


Oh.


My.


Word.


I must've looked something like this:


because the man actually made mention of my "good hygiene" and brought up the fact that I am "well-groomed" twice in his amorous rhyme. He also said several times that I smelled "irresistible."


Seriously? You're smitten with my grooming habits?

Gentlemen, I wouldn't pursue this avenue of affection if I were you. Trust me . . . I have great hygiene. (At least that's the word on the street.)

5 comments:

Lori Ann said...

I love it! Share all the ex drama with us!! Actually I hear that Shakespeare wrote a number of sonnets about the importance and thrill of good hygeine...they must have mysteriously been edited out of his collected works:)

Megan said...

I love that you picked House to embody your look of confused disdain. I can think of no one better.

Kristina P. said...

Creee-py.

RogueHistorian said...

My immediate reaction? Just check the last panel of this Something Positive.

Yes. I am a bastard. I know this and am okay with it!

jayna said...

um. i'm speechless. about the poem, anyway. but i wanted to say that i love your blog. you, my friend, are hilarious. :)