You're It!

I've been tagged by three people and I'm just now getting around to it. Sorry.
So here are six semi-interesting things about me that you might not know:

1.When I read books, I really get into them. Really. I know this sounds cheesy and contrived, but I almost envision myself as a character in the story, where I live the plot. I know that sounds weird, but I don’t know how else to describe it. I think that’s why it’s not uncommon for me to shut myself away and read for hours on end. I have read Summer of My German Soldier at least a dozen times and I never fail to cry when Ruth leaves Patty at the end. And, yes, I was one of the people who sobbed while reading Harry Potter #5 and #6. I just love books. And not just reading, which I do love, but the actual books; the way the binding smells and the way the pages feel as I turn them. I would rather have an old beat-up copy of a book, one where the binding is coming apart and the pages are falling out and there are tea-stains on the cover, than a brand new B&N copy.

2.Every morning, without fail, I sing and dance before work. I turn on some music, anything from 2Pac to Frank Sinatra to Alan Jackson, and let loose. I sing in the shower and continue as I go through my morning routine, adding dancing when appropriate.

3.I daydream all the time. At work, while driving, in bed, in front of the TV. It’s like there’s a constant movie streaming through my head, usually starring me but not always. I’ve tried writing some of my daydreams into a story, but they’re never as good. Which brings me to my next point:

4.I love to write. I like to fit the words together to create music: a song that represents the image and idea that I have in my head. I like to write anything: poetry, short stories, children’s books, I’ve even started a novel (it’s not good and I haven’t worked on it for months). It’s just another way to escape into the world of books.

5.I have so many clothes it’s not even funny. However, I only wear about a quarter of them. I have t-shirts from junior high, holey jeans and sweaters that have been neatly folded and stacked in my closet for ages. Sometimes I feel sorry for those lonesome items in the far reaches of my closet. I should probably donate them to DI, but I always think, “Well, what if I need them someday?” And I actually trick myself into saving a tiny pair of running shorts that I bought in eighth grade, convinced that someday I’m going to need them.

6.I’m completely ridiculous 95% of the time. I always laugh at the worst possible times and I never take my father’s advice: “Don’t always go for the joke.” I don’t think that this is entirely a bad thing because my boss told me the other day that I “brought fresh air into this office that we so needed” and that I was “so pleasant to have here.” I just own the fact I’m goofy and silly and I’m okay with that.

I've felt guilty about not doing this for so long and I don't want anyone to feel that so I'm tagging: anyone who wants to do this and also Donny & Sandra (6 each, please.)

New Fish: Named!

At our party on Saturday (which was awesome, by the way), we asked all the guests to write down a suggestion for the name of our new fish. We had about 60 suggestions to choose from.
There were obvious ones: Blue, Azul, Pretty Fish, Swimmy, Number Two
Themed ones: Toto, Tinman, Elmo, Grover, Blanche
Bizarre ones: Furfloogenheim, Schnitzel
Ones with special meaning to us: ZAPATOS!, Walter, Achmed, Rachel


But the one that I chose was. . . EL NINO!

El Nino still doesn't have a home. We're looking into getting him something for Christmas. He's just livin' it up, swimming around, getting fat. But he still looks like a shrimp next to morbidly obese Dorothy. That fish is so fat!

Well, that's odd.

I just want to let you know something. It is 10:30pm, I am in bed, and I hear a scraping sound outside of my bedroom window.

"What is that?" I mumble, incoherently.

Bleary-eyed, I peek out my blinds and I see my very odd roommate. Outside. Shoveling the walk. At 10:30 at night.

Please note: it only snowed about 1/4 inch today. It's not like we're going to be snowed in if we don't shovel the walk right this very minute.

I don't know what to do.

She's still out there.

Where did she get that shovel?

Something seems fishy about this.

I have a fish. A beautiful purple male betta fish named Dorothy. (I know that Dorothy is a girl's name but I let a room full of two-year-olds name him.)

Anyway, this morning I was cutting up an apple for breakfast when the most bizarre thing happened. Dorothy started flipping out! He was thrashing around in his bowl and then rammed into the side of the bowl three times in quick succession. He then floated up to the top of the bowl (belly-up) and I could see that his back was bent in a weird angle. He was dead. Dead, dead, dead. Sad, huh?

I left him in the bowl and went to work after letting my roommates know that they shouldn't look in the tank, and that I'd take care of it when I got home.

So, after work I called my sister and she thought it would be fun to take the boys to the pet store to get a new fish. We went to the "fish shop" and Jake helped pick out the new fish.

I got home tonight with my new fish ready to clean out the bowl and put the new (and unnamed) fish in his new home.

BUT DOROTHY WAS SWIMMING AROUND IN THE BOWL!

I would swear up and down that fish was dead this morning. My mom suggests that maybe running into the side of the bowl knocked him out for a few minutes and then he woke up after I had left. I'm just glad I didn't flush him right away.

So, now I have two fish. I can't put them in the same bowl or they will eat each other so the unnamed one is currently residing in a large glass vase on the kitchen counter.

Weird, huh?

Pathetic.

So when does "lazy" cross the line into "too lazy for words"?

Case in point: I was lying on the couch watching a movie with my roommate and eating popcorn (which, by the way, is my absolute favorite snack food). I got a little popcorn shell stuck in between my teeth. After trying unsuccessfully to get it out with my tongue, I got up off the couch, walked into the bathroom, grabbed my little floss-stick thing, walked back to the couch, laid back on the couch and proceeded to floss my teeth.

How lazy are you, Kim? You floss lying down? You can't stay on your feet for 20 seconds?

After that, I was so embarrassed by my actions that I had to run a lap around the parking lot to redeem myself.

Have you been elfed lately?

Check out this link:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1172240457

Just me and my buddy.

I love my little guy.

Addition

When Jake was at my house this afternoon, he made a little addition to our Nativity.




I think it's perfect.

Gift Wrapping.

Amy, Jake, Zach, Mike, and I went to the Festival of Trees today. Afterward, Jake came over to my house to help me wrap presents and drink hot cocoa. Jake really liked puting on the bows.



Then he wanted to pose with all the other presents.

Hair!

I had an appointment to get my hair done next week, but they bumped me up and I got it done on Wednesday. It's so incredibly short! I love the color, but the cut is still growing on me. Quite literally. Here are some pics:







I know it looks weird that I'm looking off to the side, but I'm watching Jake climb up on the counter and eat cake with his hands.

Snow is not my favorite.

toothpastefordinner.com

Sandy

I want to give a shout out to my little sis, Sandra. She's awesome, by the way. I don't know how many of you know her, but you should. She makes me laugh and I love talking to her for hours.

Love ya, Sis!

Thankful.

Well, another Thanksgiving has come and gone and I’ve gone all sappy again thinking about the blessing in my life. Not necessarily in any order, my blessings include:

#1: I live in one of the most beautiful places ever. I know I mock the “ Utah bubble” sometimes and, especially in the horrible, horrible winter I long for my home state of Texas . But Utah really is a great place. I live literally 3 minutes away from towering, snow-capped mountains which, right now at least, are covered with trees of bright yellow, fiery orange and surprising purple. I’ve lived here for almost 3 ½ years and it really would be hard to leave.

#2: I have a wonderfully crazy family. I can’t imagine life without my sisters and I have tons of fun wrestling and goofing around with my brothers. My parents have always been there with open arms when, most of the time, I deserved a smack on the head. And now I’m lucky enough to live somewhat nearby my extended family, who rival my own family in the “goofy” department.

#3: I have amazing friends. Corrine, who keeps me on the straight and narrow; Rachel, who keeps me sane; and Alisca, who keeps me laughing. Thank you for the late night giggle-fests, the ice-cream girl-talk sessions, for supporting me when I need it and telling me to “wake up” and get out of a bad situation when I need it even more. You are amazing.

#4: I have a great job. I took this job when I moved up here as a transitional thing, but now I just love it and I’m actually really good at what I do. Go figure.

#5: I am really happy. And I like myself and I'm proud of my accomplishments. I realize that some people don't like me, but I think that they're dumb, because I'm awesome.

Gobble, gobble.

On Thanksgiving morning, I ran in Salt Lake’s annual 6k “Cold Turkey Run” with Amy (my sister), James (my brother), Sarah (my friend), and Rachel (my friend) along with 995 other participants. It was so fun (painful)!
We started up at the Capitol building and went down into City Creek Canyon and then back through the canyon ending just below the Capitol. We all started together then broke into our own pace. I was going swift and steady (last).
I decided to do the race because I was excited to generate a proud feeling of accomplishment (my sister told me to do it).
As I ran (hobbled) along, I paused every so often to appreciate the beauty of my surroundings (I ran into a tree). I also enjoyed the crisp Utah breeze (icy death-fingers) and the stream (standing water) at the bottom of the canyon (it smelled like a urinal). The tingling (horrible burning) in my muscles as I crossed the finish line let me know that I had accomplished something worthwhile (I wanted to die).
All in all, a good (satanic) tradition.

Not quite a whim.

I've been thinking about doing something to my hair for a while. I really like my hair in the summertime because it gets really blond and dry (which makes it easier to style). But now it's winter and my hair is brown and boring and straight again and I'm just getting sick of it.

Yesterday, I was finally sick of just thinking about it and decided to just do it and get it over with. So I called the salon, thinking how shocked everyone was going to be when I came back with a stylin' new 'do. I asked the guy, David, when the next available appointment was.

"I could probably fit you in . . . next . . .Thursday?"

"You mean Thanksgiving?"

"Oh, right. I was wondering why we didn't have any appointments that day! Well, how about December 3rd?"

"Really? That's almost 3 weeks away!"

"Yeah."

So I officially have an appointment for a cut and color in like 3 weeks. Not exactly a whim, is it?

P.S. I will definitely be posting "before and after" pictures because I think this change is going to be pretty dramatic.

Nine years running and no cavities!

I went to a new dentist today. He was approximately 156 years old and pretty darn adorable. He mentioned that I had beautiful teeth about 4 times and then called the hygienist over to verify that they were, indeed, beautiful.

As he was cleaning my beautiful teeth he happily chatted on about war and football, pausing only to ask if I watched Dancing With the Stars, which is his favorite TV show. His wife tapes it for him. "That Marie is just a really talented gal!"

I was growing to adore this wrinkly old man when he started in on "the questions." Any single person knows what I'm talking about.

"So, are you married?"

"Huuh, uhh."

"Don't worry. It will happen. Do you have a boyfriend out here?"

"Naaah." (His hand was in my mouth.)

"Really? A cute girl like you?"

"Naharah ragumba garumg."

"Do you go on a lot of dates?"

"Aaragshy."

"You should. You need to put yourself out there. You have to date a lot to get married. Marriage is just such a blessing. Single gals like you . . . " (continues in this vein for about 4 minutes)
"Well, just keep working on it."

At this point he doesn't realize that I'm "working" on not biting his little old hands in frustration.

I understand that it is human nature to be interested in other people's lives, but when people insinuate that it is impossible for a person to be complete and happy while not in a committed relationship is infuriating and patronizing. I also understand the importance of marriage and family. I really do. People do not need to continue to remind me. I already know. Really. I do.

Sorry if this does not make any sense to everyone; I'm just a little sensitive right now.

Attention span?

I set out to do some work on my Christmas cards today. (Thought that I would get an early start.) This is what happened instead. . . .

I don't have an attention span problem, do I?

Mavs fan 4 life.

So the Mavericks are coming to Salt Lake in December and James and I are going. I'm so excited! If anyone else is going to be in town the day after Christmas, you should come with us. (No Jazz fans allowed in my car, Alisca.) Also, face painting may be in order. I just hope the crazy Jazz fans don't attack us or burn my car or something, Alisca. Those fans can get out of control, Alisca. Just putting that out there, Alisca.

Just another Wednesday.

I was out of my office for 2 days this week because one of our teachers is out and I was covering her class. Everytime I walked by my office, I saw the pile of papers in my inbox grow and grow and grow. I finally got a chance to get back to my desk today and the looming pile of work is a little overwhelming.

Answer: blog!

Today is picture day at school which is the day that all the kids come in their very best clothes and turn into little Tasmanian devils. Seriously, you can put a kid in jeans and a t-shirt and he will still be pristine at the end of the day. Put that same kid in a suit and tie and you'll be scraping clumps of mud off him in 15 minutes flat.

Sometime today, I hope to create and print a new ALLERGY AND SENSITIVITY list, process last week's Point of Service sheets, review the production sheets for October, fill three open positions here, enter our students into the new UISSI program Webkids, and master the Thai language so I can communicate with our new student.

Also, I have to find out today if Rice Krispies are creditable as a breakfast food by the USDA CACFP program. (If you just said "huh?" then, JINX!)

So, I'd better get to work. . . .

Hay, now . . .

So I'm the designated shopper for the school that I work at which is great because it combines two of my favorite things: shopping with someone else's money and getting paid for it. It's a pretty sweet deal.
Whenever one of the teachers needs something from the store, she submits a purchase request and every other Monday I buy the approved items.
Last week one of the teachers requested a bale of straw.
"Okay," I thought, "that should be easy enough."

Right.

First comes the problem of where to buy a bale of straw in the middle of a semi-big city. Called around. Struck out at Wal-Mart, Dan's, and Smith's.
Finally I got lucky with Albertson'sIt'sYourStore.
So I head to Albertson'sIt'sYourStore thinking this is going to take 15 minutes and I'll be back at my desk in no time.
Well, was I in for a treat.
I went up to the customer "service" counter (is that how to do sarcasm online?) and the lady had no idea what I was talking about. Apparently I threw her off when I referred to it as a "bale of straw" rather than a "straw bale."
After I paid for the "straw bale" I asked where the bales were located so I could put one into my SUV and be on my way.
"They're all out front."
"You mean the ones covered in pumpkins?"
"Yeah."
"But they're all covered in pumpkins," I said.
"Well, you can take the pumpkins off," was her helpful reply.
By the way, I am wearing a skirt and heels.

So there I am, in my heels, lugging pumpkins off a huge straw bale. I chose the bale based on the least amount of pumpkins I had to move, but I swear I still moved about 12 dirty, heavy pumpkins.

Then came the fun part of actually getting this straw back to school. I heave it into the back of my SUV and, in the process, completely cover myself and my cargo area with straw.

I never knew how heavy straw is.

Back at school, I take the straw out of my car and leave it in the parking lot while I jog inside.
I grab a large garbage bag out of the custodial closet and head back to the parking lot, thinking that I can put the straw inside and avoid covering my clothes with straw again.
Unfortunately, a bale of straw is bigger than a garbage bag.

After much heaving and huffing, I carry that stupid straw up to the building, leave it outside the classroom of the teacher who requested it, and go back to my office where my boss laughs hysterically when she sees my appearance and hears the story of how it all came to be.

Oh, yeah. And I think I'm allergic to straw because I now have a reddish, itchy rash on my arms and hands.

So, I think I'm going to go home now, in my car that smells like a barn, and take a bubble bath.

Today was good and bad.

Today was one of those days that doesn't really qualify as a good day, but it doesn't quite make it to "bad day" status. It was just a medium day.

Good things:
-My sister made me lunch today and it was muy bueno.
-I rocked out to Bon Jovi on my way to work. Always puts me in a good mood.
-I'm wearing my favorite skirt today and I'm not lying when I say I look smokin'.
-The Office is on tonight! Can't wait! Cause that show is awesome! Hooray!

Bad things:
-My little sister was out here visiting for the past week and she went home today. Sad.
-The IT guy at work came by today and confirmed my suspicions that he is an idiot. By the way, I cannot access any of my files or my email until he can send someone over tomorrow to fix whatever he did today. (Note: this is a totally different IT guy that the one previously mentioned on this blog. That guy actually knew what he was doing.)
-There was a really big deal going through today at work that I kinda dropped the ball on. Due to my slick maneuverings I was able to iron most of it out, but I was the one who caused the problem in the first place and I feel like an idiot.

So, just a medium day.

Hatred

The other day, I heard someone say, "I hate him!"

This got me to thinking about the nature of hatred. I can't really comprehend the idea of "hate" and I think that may be because I've never experienced it. I've disliked people, to be sure, and I can honestly say that I hate mushrooms (hate them!), but I've never truly hated a person.

I'm reminded of a line from a painfully cheesy movie that goes something like, "I didn't know what love was until I met you." Do you think that's the way hatred works, too? That you can't understand the idea until you experience the feeling? This may be why many people are confused by "hate crimes" and terrorism. Because probably most people do not experience the feeling of hate.

I really have no clue. Anyone have any thoughts?

Irritated

I try not to get irritated very often, but when some jerky IT guy comes over to MY HOUSE and is completely condescending because I didn't attend Nerdapalooza this year, I get a little riled.

Mr. Computer Guy stopped by MY HOUSE to password-protect my modem and he was blocked out because the default access code did not work. This was apparently my fault because I'm a complete idiot and did not know the "technical term" for "wireless networking". After an hour and a half of his boorish behavior, I politely asked him the "technical term" for "shut the heck up." Then, I asked him to take a look at my firewall settings as I hadn't been able to access Limewire and he talks for 15 minutes about how he downloads anime movies off Limewire. In an effort to sound interested, I told him my favorite riddle:

Q. Why did the man watch anime movies?

A. Because he was overweight and lived in his mother's basement and had no friends.


Apparently, that wasn't his brand of humor. I, on the other hand, had to leave the room for a few minutes to get myself under control.

I think I'll stick to Rehlaj, my Motorola Customer Service Representative. At least I can't understand him when he calls me an idiot.

I Heart Mormons

I went to a session of Conference* this afternoon and it was pretty amazing. Mostly because I was with my amazing brother who makes me laugh even when I'm really cold (i.e. cranky).
Anyway, there were the usual protesters on the surrounding street corners, determined to tear apart our faith or at least fleck spittle in our general direction. I was surprised at how many protesters were there as it was snowy and drizzly and very, very cold. To be perfectly candid, the protesters didn't bother me at all; they were pesky at best, a few were downright comical.

Amid all these people who were shouting something about all Mormons going to hell, there was one woman, probably in her mid-twenties, strikingly beautiful, standing on a platform and holding up a large sign (maybe 4 foot square) that read "I HEART MORMONS."

I thought that image was so striking: a group of people spouting messages of hate and anger and a lone woman with a statement of acceptance and tolerance and love.


Beautiful.



*If you don't know what Conference is, look up "Worship services of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" on Wikipedia.

Stalker update.

I did it! I answered the phone when Stalker called tonight. I heard people in the background for 2 seconds before Stalker hung up.



That was a bit anti-climactic, wasn't it?

IQ

I hate it when people brag about their IQ scores.

"Hey, my IQ is very high and, because it is an accurate measurement of intelligence, that proves that I'm smarter than you."

"No. That merely proves that you are a total ******." (word removed at request of blogger's mother)

Cell phone stalker.

So apparently I have a stalker, which is pretty cool. I don't often get stalked and I'm fairly excited about this.

This person, hereafter refered to as Stalker, calls me several times each day but hangs up after 10 seconds or so and always hangs up before I can answer it. I've tried calling the number back, but I get Ms. Automated-Voice who tells me the number is no longer in service.

The number is area code 954 which, according to anywho.com, is a Ft. Lauderdale, Florida number. I don't think I know anyone in Florida besides my Grandma who very rarely stalks people and only when her soaps aren't on.

In the past 24 hours, I have received 6 phone calls from Stalker. My reflexes are improving because every time my cell rings or someone's cell rings or I hear a noise that sounds like it maybe could be similar to a cell ringing, my hand shoots across my desk to grab said cell. I'm never fast enough, but I've gotten pretty close a few times. I think people walking by my office will think I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown because every time I hear a noise, I basically have an epileptic seizure.


Yeah, I can already tell that I'm not going to be very productive today.

Not to mention your cankles.

An acquaintance recently asked me, "Kim, why am I still single?" to which I replied, "I don't know. Sometimes it's just the timing."

But I really should have said, "Perhaps it is your poor personal hygiene. Or your foul disposition."

Metal shard in knuckle

Today, when I was opening up my third Diet Pepsi for the day, I received an unpleasant surprise in the form of a metal shard in my left index knuckle. It really hurt but I couldn't get it out by normal methods (sucking, squeezing, cursing). I then remembered something someone told me about getting splinters out: cover the area in glue, wait for it to dry, then peel it off and the splinter should come right out.
So there I am at my desk applying glue to my finger and blowing on it to dry it when my boss walks in asking about a fax and some paperwork and whatnot and of course I don't want her to see me with glue all over my hand and think that I'm deranged or really bad at gluing stuff or whatever so I'm trying to hide my hand from view while she's talking to me.
First instinct was to put glue-hand in my lap until I realized that I'm wearing a dry-clean-only skirt, so that idea's out. So I just try to ignore glue-hand and hope Boss walks away before noticing it.
Boss turns to leave my office and I smile, thinking that I'm pretty sneaky, when she looks back and asks slightly alarmed "What's all over your hand?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Like, maybe glue or something . . ."


What was she doing in my office, anyway?

Attention Roommates:

Contrary to popular belief, coming home at all hours of the night and stomping around in high heels on the hardwood floors will not make me like you. Neither will turning on every light in the house before going to bed. If you continue such behavior, I will retaliate in a passive-aggressive manner, such as taking out the garbage by myself every single time. So there.

I hope you learned your lesson, missy!

Chemo-head

Whenever I see someone wearing a hat that looks stupid, I want to make fun of them but then I think "What if they have cancer and they're just covering up their chemo-head?" and then I feel like a jerk for making fun of sick people.