One of the great things about having good friends is the insightful conversations you can have about relationships and dating. Here are some snippets from the latest.
Work Friend: Dude, [mutual friend] totally likes you!
Me: I find that unlikely.
WF: Naw, really! He told me! You guys should totally date! Awww! Cute!
Me: Well, if what you're saying is true, I certainly will not be dating him.
WF: Whhaaat? Why?
Me: I try to avoid dating men who are actually interested in me because the fact that they are is clearly indicative of severe psychological problems and I just can't deal with that. Thank you but I supply enough crazy for the both of us in relationships.
WF: You are so weird.
Me: I think every woman tries to relate to Elizabeth in Pride & Prejudice, but I have this awful feeling that I'm more like Lydia.
Me: Oh wait, no. Lydia was taken in sin and thereby actually snagged a man. I'm Kitty. She's obnoxious and still ends up alone in the end.
Friend: Hello, he will for sure fall for you as soon as he gets to know you.
F: Yeah, like once he talks to you and sees how cool you are.
Me: Dude, did you just "great personality" me?
F: No! That's not what I meant! I mean, hello, you're gorgeous and awesome.
Me: If you start telling people about my "special spirit," I swear I'll hit you
F: Whatever! I tell people it's a good thing you're pretty because you're kind of a crappy person.
Me: Aww, thanks!
I'm going to be out of commission for a while, but fear not: I will be back with plenty of snarkiness in a few days.