How I almost got into a fistfight today and why I'm probably going to hell.

I was in line at Office Max and almost got my butt kicked.

I heard a woman get in line behind me and grumble impatiently, “What? They only have one cashier open?” I looked up, puzzled. There was only one person in front of me, then me. Just two people. Not really a big deal. Irritated Lady continued to huff and moan and mutter things like, “This is ridiculous!” and, I tell ya, I’m a pretty patient girl but she was really starting to grate on me.

I finally turned and gave her a small smile. And of course by “a small smile,” I mean “a look that says ‘Get a grip, already!’” I turned back to the poor cashier and rolled my eyes a little, good-naturedly.

And that started it all.

“Don’t you give me that kind of look! How dare you? I have every right to be angry about this!” Irritated Lady yelled at me.

Now, I usually avoid confrontation. I bite back a lot of things, a lot of times. In fact, I’m afraid I’m going to bite my tongue so hard one of these days, it’s going to come clean off. That being said, you yell at me in an office supply store, you’re gonna get a piece of my mind.

(This is the part when I became very, very un-Christlike.)

I turned back slowly and looked Irritated Lady square in the face. “I agree,” I said levelly, “You do have the right to be angry. You even have the right to act like a total [censored] right now.” (Oh, she was fuming!) I continued, “But I have the right to roll my eyes at your petulant behavior. This conduct would be unacceptable even for my students. And they’re six.”

I turned back to the cashier who was fighting an impossible battle against a smile. He quietly gave me twenty percent off my purchase.