Love you, Momma.

 

“And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them, not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective. Look to your mother. Learn from her strengths, her courage, and her faithfulness. Listen to her. She may not be a whiz at texting; she may not even have a Facebook page. But when it comes to matters of the heart and the things of the Lord, she has a wealth of knowledge. As you approach the time for marriage and young motherhood, she will be your greatest source of wisdom. No other person on earth loves you in the same way or is willing to sacrifice as much to encourage you and help you find happiness—in this life and forever.”

-M. Russell Ballard

My family is actually awesome and kind of rocks my world.

Last week my mom and sister flew out to hang in Salt Lake for a while and my dear little brother tore himself away from texting cute girls and tracking down free pizza to chill with us. We had an excellent time going to Gourmandise (a few times), playing Canasta, shopping until we wanted to die and eating fish tacos.


I'm sorry, but is there anything on this planet that is as satisfying as a good fish taco?

No, there is not.

 

This picture is called "I will never be as stunningly gorgeous as my little sister and isn't that a bit of a shame?"

This one is called "Mom and her two daughters, and a strange man lurking behind them."

I'm so glad they could come out! We had a blast!

Not having good social skills doesn't mean you can't have fun at parties. You can always talk about murder and robots.

I was recently talking to this guy at a party about online dating.

I told him I'm not really into it because I'm pretty sure everyone on the internet is trying to kill me. He told me that he tried online dating once and ended up meeting a really cool girl.

After a pause he added, "But then I killed her."


Then we talked about robots for about 20 minutes. It was awesome.

What do you mean "Most adults don't have special compartments for gummi bears in their desk drawers"?

Because, holy wow, how do you get through Wednesday afternoon without gummi bears?



It's not just me, is it?

It can't be just me.

*Somebody* talked about the Easter story this weekend.

Overheard on the playground today:

Boy #1: C'mon, Robin, we have to go catch the Joker 'cause he's a bad guy!

Boy #2: What did the Joker do, Batman?

Boy #1: I think he killed Jesus!

It's Friday! (Partying, partying YEAH!)

Have a partying weekend!

Weekend Roundup (Now With a Super-Fancy Rating System!)

Empirates/Lunatic Show
Friday night I went with a few friends and my kid brother to see Empirates (the lead guitarist is a friend from back in Dallas) and The Lunatic (one of the guys in this band played guitar in my living room one time so we're pretty much best friends now). Usually when you go to a club or bar to see a band play, you pay the cover and they stamp your hand so you can come and go as you please. Well, this venue was super-classy and didn't have a hand stamp so they just wrote "DS" on the back of our hands with a pen. The "DS" stands for "Deathstar" which is the name of the place so, yes Mother, I did take your fresh-off-the-mission son to a rock concert at a place called Deathstar and, yes, for a moment there I did think that maybe we were going to be involved in some sort of ritual animal slaughtering or something because everyone there was dressed in black and all weird looking and there were holes in the walls in the shape of human heads which was odd and I'm sorry, Mom, okay?
Rating
The show: ★ ★ ★
How responsible of a role model I've become: ★
The fact that I know all these rock stars and am practically the coolest person on the planet: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★


Maple Bacon Sundae at Denny's
If I could just make one slight adjustment it would be less maple, more bacon. But it was pretty spectacular.
Rating
The sundae: ★ ★ ★ ★
Anything with bacon: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★


Miles Traveled
Gretchen and I have been celebrating the warmer weather by spending more and more time outside. She's hiked practically every mountain in Utah and I've been hitting my regular running route with much more gusto. Saturday I ran 4.93 miles and clucked about it to pretty much anyone who would listen (my sister, my roommates, the guy at 7-11, the waitress at Denny's) and then Sunday our after-dinner stroll turned into a 4.12 mile walk because we found a pen of goats and then had to go home and get our other roommate to show her their precious little knobby heads and tiny hooves.
Rating
How proud I am of myself: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
How grateful I am that people still congratulate me even when I'm annoying: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
The fact that my roommates won't let me get a baby goat: negative infinity stars


Other Stuff
My mom is coming on Friday!: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

$3.99 movies at Target: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

The fact that none of my roommates yelled at me when I was standing on my bed belting out all the songs from Moulin Rouge at the top of my lungs on Saturday morning: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Seeing our dear Karen again even though we've lost her to the Smug Marrieds: ★★★★★

 Having good friends and pretty much an awesome life: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

(But I still want that pet goat, actually.)

White supremacists don't build roller coasters. Well, maybe they do. Who knows? They might love roller coasters! I actually don't know either way. But anyway that wasn't my point.

My parents live just a stone's throw from one of the major headquarters of the Klu Klux Klan.

Isn't that horrible?

Mostly because everything the KKK stands for is repugnant and obscene.


And also because you want your parents to live near something awesome like Six Flags so every time you visit them you can go on a roller coaster or get some cotton candy or something. You know what you can do at the KKK headquarters? Nothing.

Next time my parents move, they should find a cooler thing to live near. Something with roller coasters.

Do you ever try to be cool?

I tried to be cool today.





It did not actually work out.


It started with me walking into Subway today in my cute new flats and gray cardigan (and you know how I am when I'm in my gray cardigan--I could rule the world in this cardigan), keys and bracelet jangling, oversized sunglasses perched on my head, purple Blackberry clutched in my hand, turquoise purse slung over my shoulder, fat Dostoyevsky paperback tucked under my arm (cause I'm smart and all) . . . . and I thought, "Man! I bet I look cool right now!" (<----- does not happen often)

And it ended with me knocking over a cardboard display and being chased out into the parking lot by a Subway sandwich artist because I accidentally grabbed some lady's sandwich along with my own as I was walking out.


Because I am most sincerely cool.

But I'm not talking about you, of course. Or you either.

It's always a little unnerving when someone I don't know very well comes up to me and says, "I've been reading your blog! You are so funny!" because:

a) I'm so not funny in real life. Or even very interesting.

b) If your only exposure to me is through this blog, there's a 98% chance you think I'm a moron. In fact, a more appropriate name for this blog would be "A Collection of Accounts of Kim Being Petty, Ridiculous, Simpleminded and/or Acting a Fool."



But that doesn't mean that I want people to stop.


Because super-super-secretly (just between us) I love. it.