And now back to your thoroughly-caffeinated, alarmingly-ridiculous regularly scheduled programming.

Guys. Seriously. What. is. up with . . .

a) having to go back to work?
b) Christmas? Is it over?
c) having to be an adult?
d) me not blogging for two weeks and getting exactly zero fan letters telling me their lives are an endless pit of agony and despair without my darlingness? Ahem.
e) all of the above?


Sigh.



For real, y'all.



So, what have you been up to? Actually, enough about you. Let's talk about me!

I went here: 

 

for this:

 Marvelous times were had by all! Do you know that my family is totally rad? 'Tis true.

 Here's my dad cooking some bacon! Isn't that a wonderful sight? Is it wrong to like bacon more than you like most people? I don't know.

My little brother should know better than to fall asleep when I have a marker in my hand.

I was afraid my crotchety old dog wouldn't welcome me back home after I cheated on him with two other dogs (oh the scandal!) so I picked up a large bag of ham jerky before I arrived. For the next several days, he was constantly at my side with those pleading eyes saying, "Oh, Kim. Would not you like to fill my mouth with that hammy deliciousness? Mightn't I trouble you for a small bite of ham? Please, sir, may I have some more?" That is, unless I wanted to take his picture. Then he would lay motionless on the carpet as I repeated, "Teddy! Teddy! Look at me, Teddy. C'mon, boy! Teddy." If I persisted for more than a few minutes, he might lazily open one eye and glare at me for a few seconds before his eyelids would droop closed again and he would pass gas in my general direction and then I would promptly evacuate the room and he would go back to sleep. A clever one, he is.

My little brothers have not ended that whole "getting taller than me" thing. I spent much of my time standing next to the guys and marveling at the longness of each. And then they would take turns giving me noogies.

We spent some time in the Inner Harbor where I realized it was high time I started buying some Baltimore souvenirs after visiting the place annually for five years running. Also, I think I saw Candice Bergen in the bathroom at Barnes and Noble. But maybe not.

Dragon boats? Man, this place does have everything!

Other trip highlights include:

• The whole family got hooked on the Bed Intruder Song until we were all sick of it and when we finally got it out of our heads, someone would go "You don't have to come and confess," and the whole room would respond, "We lookin' for you. We gon' find you. We gon' find you." Have you ever seen 18 people do a gangsta head-bob simultaneously? Surely it is a sight to behold. 
• My dad built a potato launcher for my bro-in-law. Like a genuine Dwight Schrute-esque spud gun that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if he were deranged?
• Speaking of shooting things, my two brothers-in-law discovered the cache of Nerf guns in the basement which means that you couldn't walk into a room without getting hit in the face, neck or head region with a Nerf bullet. After several days of this tomfoolery I lost it and yelled at one of them, "Stop it! Stop! You think you're being funny? You're not! You're just being really annoying! Stop hitting me!" At which point he roared with laughter, took aim, and shot me again. At which point I stuck out my lower lip and stamped my foot. Because we are both adults over here, by the way, in case you didn't know that.    
• The lake near my parents' house froze over and we had a pick-up soccer game on the ice until my mother's worrisome hollering that we'd all die if we didn't get off that ice right now because she could hear it cracking from all the way over there brought us back to shore. 
• Two years ago Donny and I were see-sawing and he went down too hard, making me fly over the handle and smash my face on the board. We were out see-sawing again and I was all "Hey, Donny, remember when I totally smashed my face on this very see-saw?" Literally three seconds later I'm clutching my face after flying over the handle and smashing my face on the board. This New Year's Resolution: stop see-sawing with Donny.

 Obligatory group photo:

Okay, now that I'm done, what have you been up to?