Friday, June 6, 2008

Shopping is not a crime.

You know how after someone commits a horrible crime, the police look at their recent spending habits to see “what went wrong”? Not that I’m planning on committing some kinda crimes soon, but I always think that’s going to happen to me.

You see, I’m the shopper for our school. We always need lots of random stuff and we know where to buy lots of random stuff: Wal-Mart.

So I was at Wal-Mart today and thinking about all the weird stuff I buy for work. People looking in my cart must think I’m in some sort of cult or something. Seriously. Like today when I bought 8 bags of laundry detergent, 64 dishcloths, 10 bottles of dish soap, 10 containers of salt, 4 cans of Oust, 2 putty knives, 8 boxes of paper clips, and 5 dustpan/brush sets. And that was just the first cart.

One day I bought 6 jugs of bleach and a bag of marshmallows. What would have happened if someone I know turned up dead that night? I would have absolutely been the prime suspect because they would be thinking, “Hmm . . . she bought all that bleach . . . she must be trying to cover up the evidence . . . Good thing she didn’t get a chance to use the marshmallows. I don’t even want to think about what she was planning to do with those.”

So guys, if I ever get arrested in connection with some kind of horrendous offense, back me up. “Officer, come on! It’s for work! One time she had to buy a whole bale of hay! Really!”

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