Monday, April 6, 2009


Sometimes I wish my blog was anonymous so I could share some of my secrets here and not be embarrassed when I bumped into people who read my blog. Secrets I would never tell people in real life. Things like:

You know those headbands with the big giant flowers that people put on their baby girls? I think they look really stupid. Really really stupid. And I feel kinda bad because everyone puts them on their kids and everyone else thinks, "Aw! How cute!" and I think, "That baby looks stupid."

I have a friend who is just a darling. Super sweet and never has anything negative to say and is simply a wonderful person. And sometimes I just want to punch her just a little. Right in the face.
I think pretension is one of the most annoying qualities in people and I fear I'm really pretentious sometimes.

I judge people who are bad parents. I know I don't have any kids and so people say, "Well, you can't make any judgements until you do," but I know a helluva lot about child development and developmentally appropriate practice and therefore I will judge. you. all. BWWAH-HA-HA!

I watch smutty Lifetime movies. And I'm horribly ashamed of it.

Yes, these are all things I would never tell people.


Kristina P. said...

Did you watch the Nora Roberts 'High Noon' Lifetime movie on Saturday? Awesome.

Lizzy said...

must not be a friend of yours I know that is that innocent... ;)

Kim said...

Kristina, we didn't catch "High Noon" but we did see "Forbidden Secrets" and "The Other Woman." I'm so glad I have silly roommates to watch this stuff with me. I have a friend whose husband watches Lifetime movies with her. I think that's just about the cutest thing I've ever heard. Oh, the things my husband is going to have to put up with . . .

Liz, your comment is incomprehensible to me and therefore I've drawn the conclusion that you are drunk at work again. For shame.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

Good post. Wish I'd had the foresight to go anonymous myself - so I could talk about my sister-in-laws, mostly. And my visiting teachers.

I agree, those head bands with the big flowers and bows DO look stupid (except when on my kid).

Also, I prefer my smut to come from VH1 reality TV. We're a one TV family though, and husband has banished it and I fear you will judge me harshly if I watch it with the kids (mommy, why is Brett Michaels getting another lap dance?).

Corrine said...

kimmy i love... i hope you dont hate my little girl, if i put a flower in her hair... ;) love your honesty!!

Kim said...

Mrs. Roth, Your daughter is darling with that, er, skull on her head. :)
P.S. You are definitely in the non-judged parent group. I wish more of my students had parents like you.

Corri, I will love your baby girl no matter what you put on her head. Pinkie-promise.

Lizzy said...

If only I was drunk at would be more bearable.

funny side note, the verification word is litshes...say that five times fast with your eyes closed... :)

Whitney said...

If it'll make you feel better you can just punch me now...I don't want anyone to feel that way about me...ever ;)

Becca's Blog said...

Don't worry Kim, I too often want to punch people in the face that are too nice. It just can't always be real, can it?

Also, I too hate the big flower bows. I also hate pictures of people's naked babies in unnatural positions. Like, what baby is ever going to fall asleep with their knees and arms tucked up under them? Seriously.

So basically, I'm a horrible person too so you don't have to feel bad that your secret is out when you see me.

Kim said...

Ha, Becca! Don't you think they look like little roast birds when they're tucked in like that?

Or is that gross?

Beerman said...


Little roasted birds?!?!

That's just plain evil.

I love it.

Also... since no one knows me here... I sometimes watch Lifetime.

(not enough Meredith Baxter Birney or Shannon Dougherty on regular TV).


Y do they show a half hour uninterrupted in the beginning and then show a commercial every 5 minutes at the end when you just want the darn thing to be over so you can get on with your life?

I feel like my crack dealer is programming TV now.

Kim said...

I KNOW! They do it to get you hooked and then you can't stop watching. Lifetime is pure evil.

Also, crack dealers? Seriously? An hour later, I'm still laughing.

Anonymous said...

I am that innocent friend right? Punch away sista... :)

I hate the head squeezers. I think they almost squeeze the o2 out of the kids brains. I feel bad for the kids. They look ridiculous!

And that is why I have an anonymous blog---dare you to find it :), where I talk about everything that annoys me!